As part of Mental Health Awareness Month, In Their Own Words shares honest reflections from writer who tell what mental illness can feel like from the inside.
This essay discusses schizophrenia and may be difficult for some readers. Please read with care.
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Everyone knew me as your typical straight-A student. I worked hard, studied, and it paid off. I was voted the smartest student in my school but then like the flip of a switch, the thing I excelled at — studying and learning — became a challenge for me.
My thought patterns were becoming unclear. My writing became jumbled and incoherent. My sentences became a mix of words and phrases that just didn’t make sense when I put them together. I started to become paranoid, to the point where I thought people could hear my innermost feelings. Something was wrong.
My teachers knew it. My parents knew it. I knew it. But we didn’t know what it was.
Luckily, I have a great support system and with their encouragement and persistence I was led me to my psychiatrist, who eventually diagnosed me with schizophrenia.
While the diagnosis was initially hard for me to wrap my head around, I was relieved. I finally had some answers as to why my life had suddenly turned upside down.
After my diagnosis, my psychiatrist treated me with several different oral medications trying to find which one worked best for me. They each worked well for periods of time, however, I began to realize that managing my treatment was time-consuming as I was either struggling to remember to take my daily medications or constantly thinking about my next dose.
I spoke with my psychiatrist and treatment team and they recommended that I switch to a long-acting injectable medication.
It took some time, but with the support of my psychiatrist, family and friends, using music as a means for meditation, along with medication management, I started to regain a sense of independence. My physical and mental health was improving and day-by-day, I had a greater sense of stability, which I hadn’t experienced for a while.
The most important thing I’ve learned from living with schizophrenia is that you just have to keep going. The path to finding the right treatment and achieving your goals may be unconventional, but no matter how hard it may be, just keep going. – written by Patrick M